Before I knew God, I had mindsets, understandings, and perspectives that were developed with only carnal thinking – zero spiritual input – how can there be when one doesn’t believe in anything but self?
And then when I was 43, I came to know God as true. That’s a long life of water under that old bridge. A mind cannot be renewed overnight. However, I was on a ride so fast of understanding that I actually asked God to not stop but to slow down the revelations!
He’s back at it…because I hit a wall in a relationship, I had to give it to him to help me resolve the problem. I asked the person I was struggling with for a break – to be released as it were – to seek the kingdom for answers. To have God work on my heart. I can’t say anything about the other person, but I can see now where I erred in the ongoing struggle of the “problem.”
Expectations.
Expectations from years prior to my knowing Him. Well established. A stronghold on my heart and thinking. Keeping what could be a beautiful relationship from coming to fruition because of the way I thought. Spiritual warfare. It wasn’t until I gave this relationship to him that I could start finding out the why it was the way it was. For some reason I have to know the cause before I can move forward with a solution. I kept my heart open to hear truth. Was it me? The other person? Enemy forces in the spirit realm? Perhaps all of it? The answer so far is me allowing – or not seeing – the works of the enemy – the father of lies – at work all these years, with complete complacency from me.
Because I now know the why – the cause – I can begin working on healing this broken heart, so I can be in a much healthier space to be in relationship with this other person who is really very awesome and whom I love to pieces…and whose heart I probably broke into pieces for not knowing I had been seduced by the devil so long ago and had kept the affair going until today.
Hope is a much more beautiful thing! The really bright side to the dark of expectations. Will the other person forgive me? I hope so with all my heart. Can I expect it? Absolutely not.
Hi! I’m MJ! And I’m a survivor of Domestic Violence. This blog, yes, is for other survivors of Domestic Abuse. However, sometimes I like to write about other learning curve events or thoughts in my life.
Through VictoryLife House, survivors can find information to help them through the trauma they’ve experienced. Through this blog, I hope you also enjoy these random types of musings.
Life without abuse IS an option. Choose life!
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