Have you ever been having a conversation with someone, and you get the distinct feeling they are not listening to you…at all? Basically, that’s not a conversation. That’s a one-way dialogue with someone who doesn’t care about you at that moment. Someone who is very wrapped up with themselves. It’s all about them. So, the question begs then…WHY DID THEY CALL YOU???
- They had the time to call – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They cared about you – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They were being responsible for following up – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They wanted to hear your voice – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They missed you – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- You were on their mind – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They had something they wanted to share with you – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They wanted to hear about the latest in your thinking – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- They wanted to hear about your day – or they wouldn’t have…right?
- You fill in the blank thinking you had at the time you saw their name on the caller ID…
I hated my phone. I can’t be any clearer than that. I know, I know, what did the phone do that was so wrong, right? Okay…it wasn’t the phones fault. However, the phone was my abuser’s way of keeping tabs on me.
It took me literally years of answering that damn thing before I caught on that his calling me had nothing to do with me! Eventually, I got it. I figured it out.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Who are you with?
Who did you talk to today?
What did you talk about?
What’s for dinner?
And then, right when you begin to think he actually cares (hahahahahahahahahaha) and you begin to relax and open up to him about a special moment, or a nice thought or revelation you had about God or the universe or even yourself…he says…
- I have to go.
- My boss is calling me.
- Lunch break is over.
- CLICK and the phone line goes dead – by mistake, of course…right?
- I have to take this other call.
- Someone just walked in, and I need to talk to them.
- We will pick back up later (NEVER HAPPENS), but I have to go.
- Sneeze – cough – blow the nose – sneeze – sneeze – sneeze – time to go.
- I need to eat lunch now.
- I’m at my stop now.
Even though there was a glimmer of hope, I became robotic in my answers at the end. Deep down I knew he didn’t care. Maybe he felt some weird obligation to call me because we were married? Or out of habit maybe? Probably to check UP on me – certainly not to check IN with me. He felt it imperative to ask the questions (NOTE: The one who asks the questions is in control.). He absolutely felt the need to exert domination even through…the phone.
Yes, hated that thing. My name was never on it, so, really, it was never mine. When I left him, I took only the things that I brought into the relationship (remaining after he got rid of most everything that had been mine) and the two things he had given me during our six-year marriage: a stereo (that came through money I had given him out of my inheritance) and a bracelet that turned out to not even be real gold. (Yes, he made good money throughout the relationship…but that’s a different post!). I couldn’t even return my wedding ring because I bought it for myself.
But I left that damn phone for him to find. Sure did.
Hi! I’m MJ! And I’m a survivor of Domestic Violence. It has taken me since 2016 to get to the point that I can now share my heart with you and not freak out about what someone might think of me.
With all the help I’ve received from family, new friends, and professionals in the spiritual and mental health arenas, I know had I NOT gotten the help I needed, I’d still be struggling.
What I hope to do is help other survivors get a grip faster than it has taken me.
Through VictoryLife House, I have developed a platform for survivors to meet the professionals they need at a reduced rate. Just for them! Just for VictoryLife House! Just because I believe survivors are worth it!
Life without abuse IS an option. Choose life!
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