Here is the document I talked about in this post One idea to protect Domestic Violence survivors from divorce hearings that might help the parties who are seeking a divorce and, I believe, would also help the courts with efficiency.
Where the marriage was declared a legal marriage is the same place a divorce should begin. Divorce cases need to begin at the courthouse. Not with an attorney.
A person goes to the court house (or online) and requests a Notice of Pending Divorce. (The steps to the divorce proceeding coming soon.)
NOTICE OF PENDING DIVORCE (If your legal residence was not in Mecklenburg County at the time of separation, you are not eligible to fill out this form. Please contact the county courthouse where you last legally resided with your spouse. As you fill out this document, please use, if you need to, any additional space required to explain your answers. You also have an opportunity to attach evidence at the end of this form. The information you provide on this form will NOT be shared at any time with your spouse nor will it become public record. Upon the courts receipt of this Notice of Pending Divorce, your spouse will be contacted by a court clerk of its choosing to submit his/her own similar form. The court highly recommends your honesty as the information you provide will be verified.)
– Your name, SS#, Birth County/State/Year
– What is your current physical address?
– What was your address and county of legal residence at time of separation? (This should match what is on your driver’s license. If it does not, please explain why it does not.)
– Date of marriage
– Date of separation
– Spouses name, SS#, Birth County/State/Year
– What is your spouse’s current physical address? If you do not know his/her current address, please provide any information you can to help us locate him/her including next of kin.
– If known, who is your spouse’s current employer and the Human Resource Director’s contact information:
– How many children are you responsible for through this union?
– What are the names and ages of your children:
– What is the current agreement for spending time with your children?
– Was this a court ordered decision? (If yes, skip to question about employer)
– Was this an agreement between you and your spouse?
– If an agreement, was this agreeable to you?
– Did you, for any reason, leave your children with your spouse of your own volition?
– If not, please list why you left and how you would like to see your involvement with your children changed:
– What is your employer’s company name, address, name of Human Resource Director and their contact information. If self employed, what is the name of your company, how long have you been in business, and, if any, what direct involvement does your spouse have in your business? What is the net monetary worth of your business, and what assets does your company own?
– What is your current, personal monetary worth. Please note that upon further investigation, if the court finds that you have been willfully negligent by not providing full disclosure to the courts, your case will be put on hold until you comply. Do not include child support, alimony, food stamps, unemployment, gifts, or an inheritance.
– Of the worth you listed for monetary self-employment and personal worth, what amount is legally, jointly held with your spouse: $
– What amount is negotiable for a settlement? $
Please explain if this comes from your business or personal monetary worth or both.
– What other assets are legally shared jointly?
– Attached, please find the North Carolina statutes on what is legally considered shared property and percentage already declared for your spouse under certain conditions. If you would like to negotiate or provide more support, please list:
– During the union and up through today, please list the dates you and your spouse jointly met with a licensed therapist, pastor or other confidante to alleviate the problems inside your marriage:
– Did you attend counseling by yourself?
– Did your spouse attend counseling by his/herself?
– What is the contact information for this/these confidantes (the courts will require a notarized Statement of Faith from this confidant and may request proof of outcome of said meetings):
– If you did not seek counseling together or separately, why not:
– Have you ever filed a restraining order against your spouse?
– Would you like to file a restraining order against your spouse? Based on the evidence you provide with this NPD, why or why not? Please note this NPD will not be shared with your spouse. Regardless of having cause or not, North Carolina no longer requires you to face him/her in court.
– Are you wanting to receive alimony? (Please know that North Carolina has a sliding, determining scale that will be used to qualify any alimony you might receive.) [This chart does not currently exist.]
– Are you wanting to receive child support? (Please know that North Carolina has a sliding, determining scale that will be used to qualify any child support you might receive.)
– Is/are there any specific assets that you want specifically to have in your possession if/when the divorce is granted? Please explain why:
– Do you have any additional demands from your spouse:
What grievance(s) against your spouse do you claim to have suffered directly or indirectly? (Please check all that apply. You will have a chance to explain later as the burden of proof is on you. We understand that emotional, mental, and spiritual trauma can happen independently of physical trauma as well as because of physical trauma and will be taken seriously into account. Domestic abuse / violence is not tolerated in North Carolina and the courts will seek proper retribution in the form of financial restitution to accommodate what is legally your right to receive.)
CATEGORY OF ABUSE
__ sexual assault
__ forced participation in pornography
__ child pornography
__ drug abuse
__ other addiction(s)
__ physical assault
__ mental anguish
__ need of therapy
__ anything else not listed
(For each one listed, they get a sheet of paper to explain why they chose that category.)
There are options to not breaking up this family unit that you entered into on (auto date fill from previous entry). Research shows that divorce causes a higher rate of: Anxiety, Drastic weight change, Metabolic Syndrome, Depression, Cardiovascular Disease, Substance abuse, Insomnia, Chronic health problems and mobility issues to name a few. If there are children involved, the affects of the divorce may also cause severe, irreparable damage to your child’s mental well-being even into adulthood.
There are many reasons why someone can no longer safely reside with their spouse, and it is your right to request and receive a divorce from your spouse. However, some couples or individuals do not want to get a divorce but see no other way to work out their problems. If you fall into this latter category, what are ways you are willing to meet the needs of your spouse in order to keep this union together?
Please provide an alternate voice for yourself: Name and Address of your Power of Attorney in the event you are unable to answer any notices in the future regarding this event:
Please include the following documentation:
Copy of bank statements, all pay checks, all insurance policies, all retirement plans, and all other documentation showing your monetary worth of $X (auto filled). Please note that upon further investigation, if the court finds that you have been willfully negligent by not providing full disclosure to the courts, your case will be put on hold until you comply.
Copy of your driver’s license.
Copy of your birth certificate.
Copy of your social security card.
Copy of any therapy sessions.
Copy of photographs (holes in the walls, car wrecks, restraining order, medical emergencies, prescriptions, physical abuse, proof of child porn, etc.)
A dissertation as to why you chose each category that you did above.
Hi! I’m MJ! And I’m a survivor of Domestic Violence. It has taken me four years to get to the point that I can now share my heart with you and not freak out about what someone might think of me.
With all the help I’ve received from family, new friends, and professionals in the spiritual and mental health arenas, I know had I NOT gotten the help I needed, I’d still be struggling.
What I hope to do is help other survivors get a grip faster than it has taken me. Through VictoryLife House, I have developed a platform for survivors to meet the professionals they need at a reduced rate. Just for them! Just for VictoryLife House! Just because I believe survivors are worth it!
Life without abuse IS an option. Choose life!
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