One idea to protect Domestic Violence survivors from divorce hearings.

This form Notice of Pending Divorce would be the first step to getting a divorce.

Let’s assume the couple has been through mediation (which does NOT include them facing each other in the same room), and now it is time to get a ruling on the divorce.

No courthouse for the couple. [It’s not a trial. We should never have to see our abuser again. We left him because we are in fear of him (hint: domestic VIOLENCE case)] What true purpose does my going to court serve? Honestly.

The couple never need to see each other during this process. [This is why we hire attorneys – to represent us. This is why we say, we will communicate through our attorneys – meaning NOT directly with each other (because we hire them to represent us). We sit there next to our attorney (who we hired to represent us) and they do all the talking (because we hired them to represent us) and we don’t do anything…but sit there and listen to legal speak (because we hired them to represent us). If the perpetrator wants to plead his own case, so be it. He follows the same rules as the attorney we hired (to represent us).]

Our hired representatives have one chance to sway the judge. Each side presents the facts from their client’s perspective. They have 30 minutes to make their case and that’s it. The judge discusses the facts with the attorneys in turn. After each side has shared their case, if questions arise, the judge can ask for clarification. If the atty does not have the proper documentation to back up their story of fact, they will have one more opportunity in the future to share if the judge thinks that is appropriate, or if something comes to light that the judge feels is important to the case, he can request a second hearing. Then the attorneys give the judge what it is exactly that each client wants out of the divorce/marriage or is willing to give from it and why. The judge makes his ruling based on all of this information. Each divorce takes up to two hours to rule on.

We hire attorneys to do all of this for us anyway. There is no reason for divorcing persons to ever set foot in a courtroom.

There is no reason why litigation needs to drag on mercilessly tying up the court systems, lengthening closure for the couple, creating undue stress on each party, an exorbitant amount of money lost for the individuals to the attorneys and have it be an opportunity for the perpetrator to just decide he doesn’t feel like going to court today so now we have to extend it for everyone. That is…all of it…moronic.

Two hearings. Tops. Settled. Gavel to wood. Next case.

All of the work, all of the money made by the attorney should be in the gathering of truth, gathering evidence / documentation as proof, and the ability to represent their clients. They go to bat for us. Without us.

The judge still rules.

As it stands now, we pay our attorney for their time “to go to court for us” even if the perpetrator doesn’t show up. In 18 months, I think mine showed up three times. Maybe twice. But guess who still got paid? My attorney. And who paid my attorney? I did (or still am). If anyone should pay my attorney for him not showing up, it should be the other attorney through their client. Not my fault yet my expense.

The attorneys have jobs, right. We pay them. Their clients (WE) pay them to work. To represent us.

Let’s just say in an overall scenario, the clients also work.

Guess what happens when clients have to go to court? WE DON’T GET PAID. We can’t work because we are in court all day with the very real outcome being a dismissal because the other party chose to stay away from court and WORK. But those who show up, LOSE MONEY by not being able to be at work, put their job at risk for too much time lost (BECAUSE OF BEING IN COURT THAT THEY ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR) and are also bleeding money to their attorney who is working for them.

Oh, but the other party lies! It’s all lies Lies LIES! With the formula I mentioned, this is why the attorneys need to have just the facts, ma’am. The judges are not stupid. They see the smoke and mirrors. They can cut through the crap. Dragging out a “he said, she said” court case is a time waster. So, really, the attorney’s better have their story solid. The facts in bullet form. No cracks. Photos. Doctor / medical bills. Determinations from therapists. Testimonies from the clients even if they have to be from a lie detector test.

I’d love to hear some feedback on this idea. We have to fix the legal system for survivors of domestic violence. V I O L E N C E. The word itself should warrant NOT having the couple face each other in a court room. Period.

Here is a link to the North Carolina legal definition of Domestic Violence.

Hi! I’m MJ! And I’m a survivor of Domestic Violence. This blog, yes, is for other survivors of Domestic Abuse. However, sometimes I like to write about other learning curve events or thoughts in my life.

Through VictoryLife House, survivors can find information to help them through the trauma they’ve experienced. Through this blog, I hope you also enjoy other random types of musings.

Life without abuse IS an option. Choose life!


Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount


Or enter a custom amount


Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

Published by victorylifehouse

Overcomer - Peace Advocate - Child of God

One thought on “One idea to protect Domestic Violence survivors from divorce hearings.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: